Fast forward to January 2011. (I know, I know, I started this blog saying I don't want to talk about anyone other than myself but I am going to make an exception due to the fact that this is one of the biggest reasons I decided to change my life.) My best friend "B" went missing in action. No phone calls, no emails, nothing. Not completely unusual for him however I noticed that he wasn't posting anything new on his website. That scared me only because that website is probably the most important thing in his life. B got in touch with me at the end of January and told me he had a wicked cold but he would call me when he was feeling better. About a month went by and still no word from B. Of course being the insecure person that I was I assumed I did something wrong that made him not want to talk to me. On February 24, 2011 his nephew posted a note on his facebook page explaining what was going on with B. This is a small piece of what had happened...
After 5 years of being confined to the house, B's weight became more and more of an issue and though friends and I had urged him to get help he was bullheaded and wasnt "ready". About a month and a half ago B developed what he thought was just a common cold. For 3 weeks he fought the cold with every thing he could before deciding he needed real help and applied for Medicaid so he could treat whatever he had. The local hospitals were hesitant to help because they didn't not have the proper facilities so he waited another week before he absolutely needed to go. Horton Hospital in Middletown took him in and determined he had a sever case of pneumonia and his body had turned toxic. If he had waited 2 more days he would not be with us today. They also found him to be anemic and that his thyroid was not working so they have to work on that.
I was very confused after reading this. Although B and I were so close we didn't see each other. We would talk on the phone and in chat but never hung out. There were always "reasons" that we didn't.
Anyway after reading this a thought popped into my head. I could have potentially lost one of the most important people in my life. Our weight issues were always something that we had in common with each other. We discussed it but never got as specific as we could have. The last time I had seen B he weighed around 450. That was about 7 years prior. On February 28th I received a text from B. Simply said "The life I told you I was living was a lie. I'm going to rehab to become human again. Reality came."I spoke with him that night. He took a big step by telling me that his weight got out of control. He became house bound for 5 years. He got up to 720 lbs. He didn't want me to know so he purposely pushed me away. It explained a lot. He expected me not to be so accepting of what he was telling me but of course being in the situation I'm in with my weight I actually understood why he did it. I didn't feel negativity towards his sudden bought of honesty. In fact it made me appreciate him even more because it really gave me a lot to think about.
I didn't want to ever make anyone feel as terrible as I felt when I thought I could potentially have lost him forever. I not only had to change for the people that loved and cared about me, but I had to do something so I would never end up in a similar situation.
February 29th I made and appointment for a consultation with my bariatric surgeon. On March 1st I went for my first appointment and by April 15th I was on my way to becoming the new and improved Pam.
The difference this time above any other time I tried to lose weight is I was READY to give it 100%. No more bullshitting. No more excuses. It was now or never. I also developed a new mentality. I wasn't going to pay attention to the numbers so much. I was going to look for those simple yet fulfilling NON SCALE VICTORIES.
Clothes fitting looser turned into clothes not fitting at all. Avoiding taking out the garbage because it would leave me breathless turned into being more than willing to take out the garbage. Being more social because I felt good about myself, wearing clothing that looked nice instead of just what fit, being able to give advice to someone about weight loss because now I'm not being a hypocrite. These are all small but EXTREME victories in my book. The numbers on the scale are nice (sometimes) but it's all about the positive feelings and experiences that come from changing your lifestyle. I'm so glad that I learned this earlier. It makes this change seem all the more worthwhile. I know that I have a long way to go but I am so excited about the doors that this has opened for me so far. I have met some truly positive and inspirational people, I've decided that I want to pay this experience forward in more ways than one and it has become apparent that I am meant to do something with the knowledge that I have acquired so far. Stay strong, stay focused, and stay positive. Till next time.....
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