Depression

So since the end of June I have been in a serious battle with depression.  I had some very serious losses the last couple of months and they have definitely taken their toll on me.  Me eating habits have been shitty but at least I'm not gaining so I guess thats a sort of win for me.  I have also been having anxiety attacks like crazy.  I did see a doctor about this and they are doing what they can to help me.


I have been feeling very alone lately.  Kind of like my life isn't really my own.  I'm just living to exist.  I know I need to get out of this mind frame somehow I just need to figure out how I'm going to do it.  Anyway this is why I haven't bothered to post anything.  


I go for a fluoroscopy tomorrow and get another fill hopefully as long as nothing is wrong with my port.  I'll update again once I know what happens. 


Till Then....

3 Months Out

Ok so TECHNICALLY I still have 2 more days until I'm 3 months out but being I only update on Dr. visits I figure I better get this done.  So after my last fill I had a few rough days of trying to eat solids but eventually I went back to feeling pretty much the same way I was before.  I just seem to be getting stuck more often. I just have to remember less speed, more chewing lol.  


Anyway since my last fill I have been ridiculously stressed out from personal issues.  My uncle passed away, a week later one of the closest people to me basically waved the white flag on our friendship for a while. (That's a whole other story in itself but that's not for this blog) and now on 7/12 my "great grandmother" passed away.  Not an ideal situation for food choices.  Then of course there is the ever so wonderful "everyday run of the mill" stress.  So with all of this going on I have been on and off sick to my stomach.  Dr. Pucci says that stress can effect the band that way so I guess I won what was behind door #3.  


I have been really emotional this last month but I guess I can understand why.  This year so far has been such a roller coaster. Ups and downs and curves and loops......I don't know which way is up.  I've been going through a lot of stuff on the inside too.  Rethinking my outlook on things.


Ok enough about all that.  I didn't get another fill yet because he was having a really difficult time  getting the needle to go into the port so now I have to go for an xray next week and hopefully get my fill then.  I lost another 10.5 lbs which makes my total 53 lbs.  Not bad for 3 months especially being I haven't started the gym yet (hopefully Friday) and my food choices as good as I tried to make them weren't quite as good as they could have been.  


Well after my appointment next week I will blog again.  Till then.....

First Fill

So FINALLY I got my first fill.  4ccs in a 10cc band....woah!  The first three days were kind of tough, getting stuck left and right.  Now I'm good but now know I still need more fill.  I go back again on July 12th to get more but I'm gonna have to really start working harder on what I'm doing.  I will finally have a car so it is GYM TIME asap!  Soooo excited!  I can't wait to get this going in full effect.  I have been slipping up with my shakes and really haven't had the greatest selections of food to choose from this last week.  My uncle passing away put a damper on that.  I have determined that my shock collar does NOT like stress.  Papaya enzyme has quickly become my new best friend.  I have been dealing with a lot of personal issues as well so that doesn't help.  I love all of the support that I get from everyone but one very important person to me hasn't really been there so that hasn't been easy to deal with.  Whoever said silence is golden is full of....well you know.  Hopefully he's overcoming the hurdles that he needs to as well.  Anyway only down another 1.5 but I know at weigh in I was retaining.  Gotta love that TOM.  Hoping that next weigh in will be much more pleasing.  It should be once I start doing the gym thing.  Cross your fingers for me.  I'll update again soon.  Till then....

Week 6

So I went to the doctors yesterday.  I am still swollen around my port so I could not get my fill again however I am still losing so he isn't all that concerned about it yet.  He stuck a needle in it and there is no infection so I am just waiting for the swelling to go away.  I am now down 41 lbs in 6 weeks.  That's pretty exciting.  Don't really have the "guilt" about eating solids anymore.  Once in a while it does kick in but other than that it hasn't been to bad.  Been pretty stressed out lately so the head hunger is in full effect but I've been keeping my head in check so that's a good thing.  My next goal is to be at my 50lb mark by the 14th.  That gives me 2 weeks to lose 9 lbs.  Definitely gonna start working out more now.  The weather has been insanely hot so it would be great to sweat it out of  me lol.  Well off to do my thing.  Dr. appointment on the 14th so I'll update again then.  New pics below so check them out!  Till then...

Progress pics after 4 weeks

Side View Pics taken 5/11 31 lbs down

Front View Pics taken 5/11 31 lbs down

5 weeks Post Op

Ok just a quick update on my progress.  Went to the doctors on 5/17 and it turns out I could not get my first fill because if the irritation around my port incision.  I still had a lot of inflammation around my port which would have made it difficult to give me the fill.  They have me on some heavy duty antibiotics (Keflex) 4 times a day to rush the process.  Taking that along with the usual (Centrum, Hydrochlorothiazide, Folic Acid, Vitamin D, and Potassium)  I go back in 2 weeks and get a check up to see when I can get my restriction.

My primary care doctor wants me to get an abdominal sonogram because when they did blood work last time my LFT's were elevated.  So I have to do that before I go back for a check up with them.

So anyway as of the last weigh in I was down 35.5 lbs and I took my measurements this morning and I am down 18.5 inches over all.  I am retaining a lot of fluids this week so I'm actually looking forward to my next weigh in in 2 weeks.  Down one pants size and most of my clothes are starting to fall off of me.  Things are going, just wish it was going a little bit quicker.  Gonna start figuring out some exercise stuff to do daily, try to drop some extra lbs.  Till then....

Week 3

I went to my primary care doctor today to have my blood work done again today.  I am down another 4 lbs in a week which now brings my grand total to 31 lbs.  BMI is down 5 points already so that's really good news.  I started my full liquids and working in "mushies"  I have a real strong feeling that I am going to have a hard time with solid foods.  I already feel almost guilty eating mushy foods.  I can't imagine how the solid food is going to mess with my head. 

I have my first fill coming up on May 17th.  I want to loose an additional 12 lbs by that appointment.  I'm thinking that I'm going to stick as close to the liquid diet as I can until my fill day.  Then I will be on liquids for an additional few days because I'm told the fills can make the stomach swell.  I am feeling hungrier throughout the day now but it's nothing unmanageable.  Usually a bottle of water or a protein shake takes care of the minimal hunger.  

As far as pain is concerned there isn't much left except for in my back but that too is slowly subsiding now that I am able to sleep on my sides.  My incisions have been crazy itchy but I'm sure that's because I am healing now.  Still getting bruises in certain places but that in time will stop as well.  I do have some pain with my top incision, almost like a pulled muscle.  

I'm going to run it by my doctor but I would really like to start exercising soon.  I know they said 4 weeks but I think that as long as I don't push myself to hard I'll be ok.  Anything to get this show on the road even more.  If I plan on making my 12 lbs by my fill date I'm going to have to do something soon.

Haven't been quite as social on the lap band forum as I would usually be.  I'm loving the knowledge I am getting first hand from these people but I can't really stand the petty BS.  I am extremely thankful for a few people on the sit though.  I do still remain in contact with most of them almost daily. I think once my car is operational again I am going to start going once a month to the lap band support group in Chester.  A friend of mine had asked if I would start going with him and I think it would be beneficial for both of us to go.

Anyway I will update again once I go for my fill or if anything significant happens before then.  Till then....

~Pam